My name is James

My name is James
That's what mother called me
My name is James
So it's always been
- From "James and the Giant Peach"

My name is James. "Wait a minute," you say. "It says 'Monty' all over this blog. Now you're telling me that you're really James?!?"

Let me explain. My full name is James Montgomery Baldwin. And for whatever reason, my parents decided to give me a nickname taken from my middle name, instead of my first name. So "Monty" I have been. Except to the IRS, the DMV, the college registrar, and just about everyone else that I deal with on a non-personal basis.

So on the first day of every new college class (unless I had previously had that professor), they would call the roll. "James Baldwin?" I would have to decide whether to stick with it, or say, "I go by Monty." And that got easier as time went on, and as I knew more and more of the teachers, so that I would only have to say it once or twice a semester.

It does give me some ammunition with telemarketers, though. "Hello, may I speak to James Baldwin, please?" "He isn't here right now." "Oh, okay, I'll call back another time."

Which isn't technically wrong, you see. For one reason my parents nicknamed me from my middle name was to differentiate between me and my father, James Augustus (Jim) Baldwin. So the telemarketers never really specify which James Baldwin they are calling for, and I don't bother asking. I just assume if anyone really wants to talk to me, they will ask for Monty.

It does cause some confusion at my doctor, which is also my dad's doctor. And the doctor of two other James Baldwins as well. Who knew there were so many of us in the world, much less in a concentrated area? So whenever I call the doctor's office, I have to make sure I give them my date of birth, so they know they have the right James. And on at least one occasion, the doctor has walked in the exam room, looked at me, looked at the chart, looked back at me, and said, "This isn't you," before returning with the correct chart. Of course, he still calls me "Jim", which bugs me a little bit. But after all these years, I'm getting used to it.

So it's just one of those things that you learn to live with over time. Because it could have been a lot worse. I could have been given some horrible name that I completely detest. Or I could have been named after someone that turned out to be a complete idiot. But my dad's okay. So I'm okay.

So yes, my name is James. But you can call me Monty.

Casting call

How about a completely useless post? Okay, here's one. Ever think about who might play you in the motion picture story of your life? Well maybe not. But I did the other day in one of those free-associative mind things that sometimes hit me on the long drive to and from work. So if I were ever given any input into the decision, here's who you might see on the big screen portraying the one and only Monty Baldwin. In no particular order of course - these guys all have egos, after all!

1. Michael Keaton. I remember back in the days when Michael Keaton was considered a comedic actor. And several people chuckling when they heard he was cast as Batman, thinking it would be a comedy like the 1960s television series. But Batman and other projects have proved taht Keaton can handle drama as well as comedy. Perfectly suited to portray the dark side of Monty. Which of course there isn't one. Unless the scriptwriter takes some "artistic license", if you know what I mean.

2. Tom Hanks. I remember back in the days when Tom Hanks was considered a comedic actor. And several people chuckling when they heard he was cast as an AIDS patient. Hey, that sounds familiar! But I do remember Tom back in the days of Bosom Buddies, Splash, and yes, even Dragnet. He can perfectly balance the comedy and drama so present in everyday life.

3. Harrison Ford. Okay, not so much as before. But the guy was Han Solo AND Indiana Jones AND Jack Ryan, so that still gives him some credit, although he hasn't done all that much since then. But maybe he still has that certain something in him if the right story comes along.

4. Jeremy Irons. Okay, so the main thing I like about him is his voice. But hey, he gave a killer performance in The Man in the Iron Mask, so that makes him okay in my book.

5. Tony Shaloub. Anyone that can play Adrian Monk so convincingly can surely come up with a good portrayal of me. After all, I don't have nearly that many problems.

6. Antonio Banderas. Okay, so I'm not Spanish. But I have always seen myself as dashing and debonair. Just like Zorro. Except maybe not has handy with a sword.

7. Sean Connery. Why not? Okay, so there's a bit of an age difference. But did you see what all he could do in League of Extraordinary Gentlemen? Besides, I do have more than a little Scottish ancestry. And besides, we have the same hairline!

So watch for The Life and Times of Monty Baldwin, coming to a theater near you. If for no other reason than to see who gets top billing!

Vehicle fun!

Ah, the joys of car ownership!

I love cars, loving having a car, love driving a car, love the freedom and mobility that having a car brings. But I hate, hate, HATE having to have my car worked on. Today I finally gave in to the pressure of the "Maint req'd" light on the dashboard and took the car in for service. I knew it was overdue for an oil change, and the tires needed rotating as well.

But that's just it. The service people are never happy JUST doing the minimum stuff. No, they always manage to find something else that needs work. Today was no exception. The phone rang not too long ago.

"Mr. Baldwin, your car needs new front brake pads, and the rotors need to be turned. And you need new windshield wiper refills. The brakes will be $189, and the wipers around $9."

No thanks. I can do wiper blades myself for a whole lot less than $9. And then I recently found out that a friend of a friend is a licensed mechanic, and he does work at his house in his spare time, charging way less in labor fees than the auto dealers charge. So I'll give him a call. Should be a good time to ask him about replacing the clutch in my Mustang as well, as I fear that the clutch won't make it much longer.

But then I'll put all that off as long as I can as well!

Perhaps one of my reasons for not liking to take a car in for service is that fact that they always do want to fix more things than what you take it in for. And so I feel like a bad owner for not having the wigwag tightened, or the lumpjumper replaced. So that the ASPCV (American Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Vehicles) will come out and arrest me, and I'll have my face blurred on the next episode of Car Cops.

But assuming they don't find something else to fix on the car today and call me back, I have made it through the latest round with very little grief. Safe for another few thousand miles, until the oil needs changing again.

Takin' it to the streets

An update to the previous post:

I was out again at lunch, and I saw another one of the ad trucks, so I paid a little more attention to it. The offending company is known as Admobile. And on this particular truck, the only ads were for advertising on the truck. Apparently they are just starting in this market, and they don't have anyone signed up yet. So there currently aren't any businesses that I need to avoid.

Still, I'm not really happy about one more vehicle on the roads. At least on the roads where I have to drive.

Oh well, that's progress for you.

A new way to sell your stuff

Now I've seen it all. This morning, I saw a rolling billboard. Well, it wasn't actually the first one that I have seen. But this one had style - it was one of those rotating triangular thingys (technical term), so that more than one advertisement could be shown on each side of the truck. And not just on the sides, but also above the cab on the front. Talk about advertising in style! Or not.

Got me to thinking about a couple of things:

1. Pollution - What kind of message is it sending to advertise on a pollution machine. "Come eat at our restaurant - we don't care if we pollute or not! Heck, we even dump our used grease in the alley out back!" Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions. Maybe they use propane fuel instead of your typical unleaded or diesel. Either way, there are still emissions coming from the truck. More business for your company at the cost of the environment? I don't think so.

2. Traffic congestion - That's right, all we need is one more vehicle on the roads during rush hour. Maybe that advertising message is, "Stuck in traffic? It's all our fault. So come on in and shop at our store. Our cashiers are as rude as our truck drivers!" I'm running late for work, and there's some stupid truck in my way. Yeah, I'm going to want to support their advertisers.

If you haven't guessed it by now, here's another clue: I don't think this mobile advertising is a good idea. I can live with signs on the side of a public transportation bus, because it's main purpose is still moving people around. That's no different than ads on a website. Maybe not always the most attractive, but an accepted part of the experience.

But then I'm not really a fan of static billboards, either. Eyesores that clutter up an otherwise beautiful landscape. And don't tell the advertisers, but I usually use my TiVo to skip through commercials on television.

To be quite honest, I don't know what was being advertised on the truck that I saw this morning. I didn't take the time to look. I didn't really want to know, in case it was some place that I generally liked!

Advertising makes the world go round. Unless it ties up rush hour traffic!